How to dress for Counselling

I feel like I have barely had a chance to breathe let alone reflect the last wee while. There has been a perfect storm of work and school things combining to make me feel like I have not stopped rushing around.

However, this week is the build up to me visiting my gender counsellor in person, up until now all of our meetings have been over the telephone but she firmly believes that she can get the measure of someone far better by seeing them face to face. A belief that I share, I have grown up reading people’s facial expressions and unconscious body language and you can tell instantly how engaged or invested someone is by how they move combined with their tone – what they actually say registers last for me. I very much feel a room before I process it.

By the end of last week I had started to worry about what to wear. I know this isn’t a job interview, but in a way it feels like one. I want to dress appropriately and show that I care, but without going overboard, I mean what is a woman supposed to wear to counselling sessions?

I picked two outfits that I like and have asked a couple of people what they thought – one is a jeans and red top combo, and the other is my flower print dress, both with matching ankle boots. I like boots.

My sisters offered a very unhelpful but totally accurate, “It doesn’t matter, wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable as DeeDee”.

I have one vote for the jeans and top, they are feminine yet practical, especially with boots- and will be easier to change into and out of before getting home. For a 1st meet they are perfect and then I can wear the dress another time.

I also have one vote for the dress. I like the dress because it is highly feminine, but at this time of year the majority of women I see are now wearing jeans and I do not want to look like I am trying too hard (something I have read about) and not just naturally being myself.

I will need to get ready and then leave the house as male me, change into DeeDee (like Superman in the back of the taxi only becoming wonderwoman instead πŸ˜‰) and then spend my day as myself remebering to change before I get back to collect my son.

So the jeans are easier than the extra clothes needed to hide the dress, I have a pastel flower facemask just because I can in case I need to stop, which I usually do as it is a 3hr drive there and a 3hr drive back. I also kind of want to go for a coffee somewhere too, which if I am organised is very possible.

The thing is I am not scared about going out as DeeDee, nervous yes, I think my voice is still far too masculine when I talk even though the apps tell me I am predominately in the female range, my resonance is patchy and comes and goes at best.

The big thing is that this feels right for me, I want to go out, I want to be myself and even thinking about it makes me smile.

I still really want to start telling my friend group, but would feel bad coming out to them before I have told my mum, something I hope to do this Christmas. Being certain of the direction of travel means I can start making in roads to get there. At some point this year I will probably get my ears pierced ready for when I can start wearing decent earrings and I vary between not caring and thinking, well they’re going to start talking sooner or later so why not be happy.

Hopefully I will have something other than clothes to think about by the end of this week, but let’s face it, they are part of the fun of being me!

Take care


4 thoughts on “How to dress for Counselling

  1. Hello friend,

    I’m glad to hear about your start with your gender therapist and your feelings about it: “The big thing is that this feels right for me, I want to go out, I want to be myself and even thinking about it makes me smile.”

    I know the feeling all too well. I also know wondering what to wear. Here’s my thoughts:

    * I agree with the jeans and shirt so long as they’re feminine. As you said, it’s good to pick up on cues from other women to ascertain what’s appropriate.

    * I also agree with keeping the dress ready for another occasion or therapist meeting. Trust me, it will be perfectly fine to wear the same jeans and shirt for following meetings. Maybe save the dress for the Spring? Something to look forward to.

    The most important thing, as your sisters said, is to wear what you feel most comfortable in. What we wear is like going about in the world saying “This is me!” That’s hard to figure out at first. We don’t have the experience of cis women learning lessons from mothers, friends, and others. Or, obviously, the result of countless experiments to see what feels right, what feels authentic.

    Try to be patient with yourself as you go through this. Maybe think of it as a game with you as the sole winner. You might look at women’s magazines and catalogs and see what you like and what you don’t. You might even keep notes in a journal: when you see some styles what specifically do you like? The collar? The neckline? The fabric? And then, what feelings emerge from within you about these features? Write those down too. Over time you’ll be able to more quickly recognize what you like and why, and that’s so fun.

    Having grown up in the 60s, attended Berkeley, and so forth, I find that I’m drawn toward BOHO styles. Makes me feel good!

    But I have made plenty of mistakes. A woman once advised: “Don’t buy it unless you love love love it.” That’s hard to really know. But later as it sits unworn you’ll learn.

    So, it’a all about learning. But that’s fun too. Finally to learn what’s authentic for YOU!

    Best wishes,


    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your insights Emma, I have a very attuned sense of what suits other women when I am shopping with them (even though I haven’t vocalised it too much in the past) which I absolutely attribute to being the middle child with sisteres both older and younger. The problem of course is that applying it to myself was purely in the realm of fantasy for so long that it will take some getting used to. Even going into a changing room and trying something on has never been an option for me before now, I was the one outside browsing and pretending to be bored, this is one of those things that I will ask for help from my friends once they know because I know they will happily be brutally honest with me if it means avoiding a fashion disaster that would make me even more upset at a future date!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello DeeDee, I’ll cut to the chase and vote for the jeans and red top. They are more typical of what a woman would wear casually. Save the dress for later. I feel its important to show you can dress (and act) appropriately and not be over the top as some women can be. We can’t live in the past we never experienced, live for today! I’m happy to read that you see being DeeDee can be fun.

    Emma has written a lot of good advice. The best one in my opinion is β€œDon’t buy it unless you love love love it.” Otherwise it just sits in your closet as a reminder of a not so good choice. I don’t have a huge wardrobe but I love what I have.

    I can tell you are getting antsy to move forward. Knowing that you are not afraid, but nervous is good insight. Nerves provide for a bit of safety line to ensure we stay grounded in our actions. You’ll do well at the appointment. I can’t wait for an update.
    Hugs, Judi

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha, your vote is duly noted Judi! One of these days I’ll get to wear one of my dresses out! I just have to ignore my inner 4 year old pouting. It will be fun to get out for the first time this year though no matter how I’m dressed. πŸ™‚


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