Practicing being myself

It sounds odd but it’s exactly what I did today.

Due to lockdown I have had my children with me, and my son in particular and like many other parents have been making sure he is doing schoolwork at home, which is very different to homeschooling as it is pretty much just massess of homework that he has very little interest in doing.

Today I had my fortnightly call with my gender therapist and even though it is just a phone call I wanted to be myself. I wore my man jeans but everything else came out of DeeDee’s wardobe, I smuggled my hair in a Tesco bag down the hallway and stored it in my study and then 5 minutes before the phone was due to ring I put up my, “Do not Disturb” sticky note and then moved a chair against the doot (just in case) so I could put my hair on with some matte lipstick.

I needn’t have worried as I was not disturbed, but it felt very freeing to be myself over the phone.

My GT has only ever seen me as DeeDee and so mentally that is the picture she projects of me over the phone which is really nice, talking to her is easy and is more like catching up than having a therapy or counselling session, I updated her on my phonecall and she is looking forward to talking to me again after my big appointment in 2 weeks time. That appointment is part of the reason for being myself on the call, I want to attend as I intend to go on and not as the single parent terrified of their kid in the next room.

A trial run meant I would feel more comfortable presenting as myself for the first time in ages and allow me to be more natural, something I find easier when I am actually dressed as DeeDee. I mean, this is the person that gets to decide whether or not I can move forwards with HRT which I feel is important for me to start making the outside match the inside..

Once my call was finished I sneaked back down the hall with my bag and made use of a babywipe to go back to my usual look.

Hopefully things will go as smoothly in a couple of weeks 🙂 I cnnot wait until I do not have to live this part lie for the people around me.

Take care

XX

One thought on “Practicing being myself

  1. Ahhhh! Being oneself is so freeing. I’m happy for you! You do need to get over the fear of being caught and that will come in due time. I understand the importance of being consistent with your therapist. I just makes sense. I feel the excitement you are in the midst of with your appointment arriving soon. I know you’ll have a greater sense of calmness afterwards.
    All my best to you.

    Liked by 2 people

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