I am feeling very positive about life right now. I sent out a CV as Dee and I think it does a good job of letting them know who I am, not that it means anything at all, but if it all goes well I could be living totally as myself before my next Birthday. Which just makes me smile even thinking about the possibility. If it doesn’t I will just keep looking and just keep applying as I see things that seem to fit me.
I have also finally told my children. Both were accepting, my 13yo daughter was instantly okay with it, and wanted to know about my wig collection so she could steal them for her cosplays, my son reacted as loudly as I thought he would. Only tougher. I told him while we were on a long journey and so he had nowhere to run off to and ignore it, which I feel worked in my favour, as at home he would have just ran to his room and shut the door on me.
I told him that I had been speaking to counsellors for a few years now and one of the things I had realised was that while my outside looks a lot like him, my insides think and feel a lot more like his sister, and so when we move I intend to make my outside match for everybosy so they can treat me like a woman all the time. He screamed at me and cried at me and shouted that he would stop me doing it and threatened to tell my mum, but with lots of reassurances that while there would be some cosmetic changes, who I am and what he means to me wont change at all he eventually told me he was going to protect me and that he loves me. I was in floods of tears by then, because staying calm had taken a lot of concentration, I hated seeing my son so upset, for 45 minutes I felt like I had just well and truly pulled the world out from under his feet. We hugged each other and promised to love one another and take care of each other just like we do now, and then he had a giggle to himself as he thought about me having to go to the loo like his sister and started wondering what to call me, I offered Dee and DeeDee as I have been using them, but also said it was up to him, dad would seem awkward if I was in a dress, but he can always use mum1 and mum2 to differentiate between me and his mum, he would have to think about it with his sister and let her know.
Both kids were told of the importance of not telling their mum (my ex) as she knows a lot of people connected to where I work and that could make my current life untenable, at the time I also had to tell my son that I would not be going out where we live as I know not everyone will be friendly, but that as I would need to get used to wearing a wig all the time he may see me dressed as myself around the house sometimes.
Hopefully no matter what happens this will allow both children a chance to process it before I publicly become myself, but it is such a relief to not have to hide from them now.
Reassuring them both that I am still here and I still love them is always going to be my top priority, but now that is my close family circle all told. I still have friends to let know, but I do not dread their reactions and nor will I lose too much sleep over anyone who does choose to break contact with me.
My meeting with my counsellor went very quickly today because I just had so much to talk to her about since we last met 2 weeks ago, I did say that I had realised that I have nothing to wear for an interview, and my entire wardrobe would last me less than a week full time… I may have to think about going shopping this summer!