More forward steps

It feels like my life is finally starting to come together. There are only a few people in my friend circle who do not know about me, the hardest part of telling them is that we tend to only meet at social gatherings, so I have not seen them face to face in 18 months.

I used the excuse of dropping my kids off at their grannies for the 1st part of the holidays and popped around to tell the last close male friend and his wife. I almost didn’t as she had been on a work’s night out and I didn’t want her to wonder if the conversation had actually happened or not. Eventually the time had gotten so late it was either now or never, and I took a breath and told them about realising I was trans and some of the steps I had taken to confirm it over the last few years.

Their reaction was so nonplussed it was almost like I was telling them what I had been doing with the weeds in my garden rather than admitting I felt I had been living in the wrong gender role my entire life. My male friend is so laid back I was excpecting that from him, but his wife is a little freer with her emotions and three sheets to the wind I was expecting far more of a response! (though still positive) but she just just listened and thanked me for feeling like I could tell them, she did call me pretty when I showed her a picture of myself but that was that.

I have now told just about everyone I need to tell, there are 2-3 more ladies I would like to tell, but it almost feels like it would be easier to just message them through FB rather than try to engineer seeing them in person. I do not expect them to react negatively, but it is more that I am at that messy point where I do not mind them talking about it or telling one another now but I am also not out as myself because we havent had the chance to do that yet.

I have found that I am now getting back into my exercise in the interests of doing oit for myself and how I want to be and am improving my relationship with food again, I have 3 weeks without my son here so I intend to use it to eat and exercise properly rather than cacoon myself away from the world and eat my feelings with my go to’s of junk food and stodge.

My other good news this week is that the NHS are going to look at helping me with my electrolysis and that the GIC were talking about arranging a date before my next pyschology appointment to talk about getting my height, weight and BMI checked prior to signing a consent form and going on hormones, it is still months away but it could genuinely mean that I am living full time before my birthday this year, which would be amazing!

Take care

XX

5 thoughts on “More forward steps

  1. Actually, coming out involves a lot that is like weeding. You’re pulling out all of that which has been choking you (male-self), and making room for the beautiful garden you are wanting to come to full bloom. With each weed you pull, you make room to plant a seed. Some people my help you to nurture the seeds, but they are going to see the impending blossoming whether they do or not. Be assured, though, that you will soon be reaping what you have sown. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I agree with that analogy, very apt! You do get to a point where it is easier to speak with family/friends and you actually look forward to it as if to hurry the process along. It’s nice to read that your friends and family are loving towards you. I’m glad to read you are reevaluating your relationship with food as I know its something that has bothered you in the past. We all fall back on crutches when we are the weakest. Great news from the GIC. All my best.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Judi, I am in a really positive state of mind at the moment as my new normal (sorrynotsorry) starts to take effect, that makes looking after myself a lot easier!

      Liked by 1 person

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