Technically 5 weeks tomorrow, but close enough.
Obviously there have been no big dramatic changes, but the biggest and most obvious change for me is that since starting oestrogen the constant background buzz seems to have died down. I no longer spend almost all of my waking hours thing about being transgender and whether or not I am doing the right or wrong thing or working out all of the possible “what if”s that could happen. I actually have the ability to focus on my work again and be productive, which makes a nice change rather than simply bouncing from deadline to deadline and what feels like scraping by.
I have noticed that I seem to be tired a lot, but I did shift work for years and so I have really poor sleeping habits anyway, likewise with feeling the cold – it is hard to tell if I am tired or if I am genuinely feeling chilly.
The only real physical change is tiny, my nipples are now almost constantly erect and slightly larger, and my areolas seem to be thickening, nothing that anyone else would notice but there is a change. I still have to shave my chest and so I am left wondering if I am going to start having actual definition start to come in and still have shave around everything. I hope not, it’s awkward enough to do with my skin as it is.
My electrolysis is going well, I am bouncing up and down the road every week to have my appointments but I need to try and ask for more hrs, I knew the 15 was not going to cut it for a full facial sweep, let alone to be done, but it’s costing me a fortune and is absolutely needed. While I hate having to grow my hair out every week, at least by the end of each weekend there are hundreds of hairs that will never come back, my cheeks are already almost totally reduced to bumfluff levels of hair and my jawline and lip are smoother than they have been in years. There is probably another years worth of visits to get to the point where it is no longer cost effective, but it bhas been worth the pain and the discomfort and the thought of having to slow that process down simply because I’m not rich enough to pay privately is frustrating.
My ex noticed my earrings during a brief handover visit at grannies and has apparently decided that I am either gay or having a mid life crisis, I laughed out loud when I saw that text from my daughter. I still need to find the right time tell her, but as she knows so many people around where I live and work, and no one here knows I am trans it does give her that power to make my life hell, though if she thought she knows that my house comes with my job so if I lose one I lose the other. I keep scrolling through ads looking for somewhere to go, but I want it to be the right move to the right place, and not simply just because I am impatient to ditch my male wardrobe and life.
My weight has plateaued again at just over 200 lbs, although I can now jog 5km without stopping, something I have proved to myself 3 parkruns in a row. I have my moments especially with all the driving where I crave sugar and chocolate, and that can lead to bad decisions when I am tired, but overall I am happy that seem to actually be on track for once.