Sparkling!

My mum was the one person in my family I was genuinely at a loss to know how she would react to me admitting I was trans.

Having been brought up in a very conservative background, and having spent years attempting to gently educate her without any joy, she seems to have done most of the work on her own anyway, but I spent so long feeling sick to the stomach about what she would say or do that I just knew it would be a marmite response.

My sisters may not fully understand me, but when I told them, they were accepting, and so far no one has stopped talking to me. They still refer to me as their brother 50% of the time which gets emotionally harder and harder to cope with, but I am still presenting male a large percentage of the time until I can move away from my current place of work so I consider this an adjustment period for them. My hope is that when I can finally be myself full time they will be a little less confused at seeing me as their sister.

Now after already coming out as gay, my youngest has come out to me as non binary and pan, but leaning towards being trans masc. I have spent time showing my understanding of what that means for me and then asking them what it means for themselves. They admit that this is not something they can share with their mum because she just doesn’t get it. We went through the NHS guidelines and went through the effects of taking testosterone. I have been giving them access to my ties and shirts and have said that as far as I’m concerned they can clear out that side of my wardrobe the biggest issue is that I am about 10 inches wider in the waist than they are. Their style seems to vary between old school grunge and the k-pop/Matt Smith bow tie look, but despite all of the uncertainty that I know my future has, being able to be there and help my child navigate through this part of their life so they don’t feel alone makes it all 100% worth it.

I also invited my mum to come and spend Christmas with me and my children this year and she turned up last night with a bouquet of flowers and a card for me that made me smile, but almost had me in tears. I’m still not crying at the drop of a hat, but the feelings are there!

When people talk about feeling seen, this is what it feels like for me.

I hope that whatever you are coping with, and whatever your beliefs are, that you have a good Christmas and find something to take joy in over the holidays. Be it family, friends, or some personal time.

Take care

XX