Did not see that coming!

So I have now fully socially transitioned. There is no one else left to tell, no agency to show ID to or official persons to notify.

The literal only exception is HMRC and by extension my pension, due to them being the only organisation who have arbitrarily decided that they require a GRC to change my gender marker.

So thanks to the current UK govt having shot down simplifying the process I now have to collect 2 years worth of evidence with no gaps larger than 3 months showing me being me, from as many different sources as possible, which means mail sent to me by literally anyone and of course I also need 2 new medical GP and/or psychologist letters, birth certificate and wedding/divorce certificate & decree and then send it all off with some cash for a random panel of strangers to spend 22 weeks deciding whether or not they will allow what the banks, NHS, DVLA, Passport agency and literally everyone else has already accepted, but at least I will be able to appeal or re-apply. Can’t think why more people don’t do it… maybe Scotgov will get it sorted before then.

Am also now happily dating and feeling all loved up again for the first time in years.

It is the same woman I went out on a date with in my previous post, she continued to message me after standing me up, and eventually we agreed to meet for coffee because we were both surprised by the strength of the connection. Since then we have met a few times and things are going incredibly well.

I feel like I have to hold myself back emotionally because my feelings are surprisingly strong, at first I was wondering if it is just how dating is going to be on E, but I think some of that feeling inevitably comes from the fact that in just a few weeks of texting and seeing each other I have received more compliments, positive affirmation, support, interest and positivity than I have had in over a decade. All the things I worry about or hate about myself and my body she either loves or totally accepts as a part of me.

It makes my head and heart spin, and due to being gaslit for so long I am truly terrible at accepting compliments, but really enjoy hearing them; but when I am with her I feel like I have always been with her, we just fit together so well, it feels equal parts safe, grounded, accepted, lifted and wanted. Everything just feels right and while a part of me is expecting and waiting for something to go horribly wrong because it feels too good to be true, part of me is already making plans and wondering why I spent so long pining for something that was so blatantly pitiful when compared to this. It’s like after living in black and white for 15 years I’m suddenly seeing in colour.

So yeah, for now the dating apps have been deleted again and life is good.

x